Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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