Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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