sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
