What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
