billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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