well I can't set my house on fire every night
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
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he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
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I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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