is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
