I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
