Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
