yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
