I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
