too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
