Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
