Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize