There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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