I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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