there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
