I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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