remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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