she was so not down for the gang bang
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Randomize
