I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
