do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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