Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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