For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
