I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
