If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
