literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
