just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Bring me that man meat
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
