wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize