Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
