Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
