I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
