i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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