If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
