i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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