Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
