my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
