hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
