Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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