bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
