I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
