i think i have two assholes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
