Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
