I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
