i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
