What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nobody cheats on THIS.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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