What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
