Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
