So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
