I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
No stitches, just platelets and will power
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
