Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
