i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
