I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
