Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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