Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
