I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Bring me that man meat
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
