i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
