just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
