my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
