did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize