Yo dont text me then not text me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
