I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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