guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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