how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
