Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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