Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
